~Living a life of sophisticated domestication deep in the heart of Texas~

Monday, February 17, 2014

The problem with the world today ....

.... is that everyone says they care, but most (including me many times) don't back it up with any effort. One can only assume that if caring is not backed up by effort, then it is not really caring. 

Nobody has time to sit and relax and talk and play. Everybody is too busy with their own lives and dramas. People will be sitting across from you and not even notice that your hair is on fire. Its always about tomorrow and next year. I am having this experience so I should post it on Facebook.

Everybody has their nose in their phone texting and multitasking and we all forgot how to be just plain ole friends and family that do things with each other and communicate and watch the kids play, or even play with them ourselves. 

It used to be so easy to be a friend and have friends and it has turned out to be the hardest thing in my life to do anymore. You build relationships over the years and then they get blown off and you never see that person again except maybe at their funeral. You gather with friends at Christmas or Fourth of July or birthday parties, and realize you will probably not see them again till the next celebration. I may be getting old, but I liked it back when our phones were connected to the wall and there were not 150 channels on TV, and 30 some-odd cold medications to pick from and just too many choices.

You and your friends wore the same thing more than once and your car was a beater and you and your girlfriends all got together and borrowed each other’s clothes and went with a carful to the drive-in and never paid attention to the movie. We were actually forced to stay connected with each other, stay in one place, do one thing at a time (maybe two).

Having everything you want right now or striving to have it all has made us less human and less happy. Things. Then more things.

If a friend does not act the way you want them to you blow them off instead of talking it out and all that history goes down the drain. Everybody can see the faults in others and will only accept people that are doing what they think is the right thing. We don't mind pointing out what is wrong with another but have a hard time with giving actual deep spiritual hugs and saying “I really love you and I want to know what you are going through.”

We don't let our children be children. We want them all grown up in one second and to keep up with the other kids the same age as them, and be the best at everything. We don't want them to act like babies. We don't want needy, imperfect kids or grown-ups around us. We call them emotional vampires. We don't accept imperfection in any area of our lives. But NOW is all there is and this always involves imperfection. We need to accept people we love for what they are now, not what they can be in the future.

Our children won't really remember how nice and perfect their house was. My favorite house growing up was my Nanny's (grandmother’s) and I remember going out and playing with friends, playing card games at the dining room table, eating chocolate cakes that she made with pecan halves on top, smells of her soap when I took a bath, the color of grass and a sprinkler to play in, the picture hanging over the bed I slept in when I spent the night. It feels like contentment and security. We remember the things that are usually uneventful that happen daily and that invoke the feelings that someone cares and loves us no matter what we did.

These days, I have never been so lonely being surrounded by people. I remember when we looked at each other in the eye in the supermarket and said hello. I remember when someone driving had the courtesy to wait until they person in front of them made a turn without blaring on the horn or speeding around to cut in line. I remember when people said they were gonna do something with you and actually followed through. Or maybe I just remember it all wrong. I'm just saying that I need to be present for a person sitting in front of me. That is the best gift I can give to the person I love. Focus. Listen. Look at a person. Don't run away if they cry or get angry. Make an investment in flesh and blood. Matter.

I have probably three huge boxes of pictures and mementos and at least 30 or more home movies of people that I once loved or called friends. Many have died and many have left my life or me theirs for stupid reasons. Most are not in my life anymore. They rejected me or I rejected them. We don't stick around and work it out. Maybe all those memories are worthless in the end. Maybe it is better to be a robot. I don't know. Get it done and don't let your emotions get involved. That is maturity right? Don't be weak. Don't cry or act like you care. Don't wear you heart on your sleeve. Become a robot. People like you better that way.

Sylvia d'E

Our guest blogger is smart, sweet and funny.  She's a dynamic woman making a difference in San Angelo, Texas, and we're privileged to have her as a friend.  Thank you, Sylvia!

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